feeling kind of awkward

you know.. now.. looking at those pics of me in a bikini is way better than i thought i would look.

it's kind of intimidating actually having my body change for the better (especially after having kids).

it's really emotional.. i'm actually in tears right now.. because.. i don't know.

it just feels awkward not being a size 12.

i changed out of these size 12 pants earlier cause they were too baggy on me.

and ironically put on another pair of size 12's.

these fit my legs really well, but the waist is just not comfortable.. it's not "baggy", just loose. and i have to wear a belt. even WITH a belt, i keep having to pull them up.

but the thing is, realistically, i can't afford to loose the weight i want to.. cause i can't afford new clothes.

sad.. i know.

i would feel really awkward putting on a pair of size 8/10 pants.. and having them fit perfect.

the odd thing about that is.. back in february, when i lost a pant size (down to an 8/10 from a 12), i was so excited about it.

now.. it's almost like.. well.. i'm not dreading it..

it just feels.. awkward.. and i think the reality of it is just now hitting me.. that my goal to be more active and eat better.. IS actually effecting my body the way I was HOPING it would. I guess I just never thought it would really happen.. because i've been let down by these kind of things before.

well.. Cami.. get used to it.. looks like you're on the road to "hottie with a body"ness!

it may take a while for me emotionally to really grab onto this concept.. but my reality now is.. i'm getting thinner. IM GETTING THINNER!